Friday, June 05, 2015

Latest News on Regents’ Restructuring of the University of Wisconsin - Madison

(The following story is not based on any facts. It is pure speculation and I sincerely hope it does not come to pass. But I didn’t think Act 10 would be enacted either!)

At their most recent meeting, the Board of Regents has ruled that all faculty and researchers of the University of Wisconsin - Madison departments of Biochemistry, Botany and Zoology shall be laid off, effective immediately. The three departments will be combined to form the new Department of Creation Science. A worldwide search for top-notch Creationist academics to staff the new department is already underway.

The University of Wisconsin Department of Medicine and Public Health and the University Hospital and Clinics have been instructed to lay off all researchers and practitioners involved in embryonic stem cell research or any applications of that research. Researchers investigating or using adult stem cells only may be retained at the discretion of the Department and Hospital.

The following words and phrases will not be used in any future University of Wisconsin publications or other documents, including lecture notes:

    evolution
    natural selection
    embryonic stem cell(s)
    climate change
    global warming

Existing publications and other documents containing the above words or phrases are required to remove them either electronically or by covering them with permanent magic marker.

The Morgridge Institute and Discovery Center is hereby renamed the Scott Walker Institute for the Dissemination of Creationist Thought, and repurposed to promote Christian values and creationist theory. Staff changes will be made as appropriate for the repurposed center.

Next week the Board will meet to discuss further restructuring of the University System, specifically in the broad areas of the humanities and social sciences.

Note: Several faculty members attending the Board of Regents meeting pointed out that the University of Wisconsin - Madison does not have a Department of Biology. Therefore the Board's resolution to replace the Department of Biology with the Department of Creation Science was altered to the wording shown above.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

There is no Department of Biology at Madison :)

DonDino said...

And hopefully there will never be a Department of Creation Science ;)